Lady Deadpool loves Deadpool
by LadyDeadpool007
Summary: Sometimes you need the job done right the first time. You can't just hire anybody to do the dirty work. That is why you hire Lady Deadpool! A merc with a mouth, wooer of men's hearts, crazier than a cat in a sack, and doesn't hurt that she looks good also. (Lady Deadpool is not from another Universe, instead she is Deadpool's lover. Words in brackets are voices in her head.)


_Sometimes you need the job done right the first time. You can't just hire anybody to do the dirty work. That is why you hire Lady Deadpool! A merc with a mouth, wooer of men's hearts, crazier than a cat in a sack, and doesn't hurt that she looks good also. (More like she is so smoking hot you want to melt!) I wouldn't say that hot! (I would and cause I know.) How could you know you're just a voice? (Like you could, you're just a voice also!) Like it matters, I asked the question first! (Doesn't matter, what does matter is I know Lady Deadpool firsthand.) Whatever…you get the point. (I know I won this, so good try.) I will be rolling my eyes right now if I had eyes…just so you know. (Like I care-) Enough of this, story start!_

"Mr. Penguin, wait up for me!" I skip and run after the black and white furry baby penguin through the sunny garden. "Ya need a hat!" I wave the small top hat in my left hand and a bow tie in my right.

_Squeak! _The penguin waddles away as fast as he can.

I run fast and snatch the tiny penguin from the green grass. "Ya need this!" I put the hat on top of the scared penguin's head. I laugh at how ridiculous he looks. "Now your bowtie!"

[Man, I love dreaming like this!]

(This is nonsense! Completely useless!)

[That is the best part about it!]

"Wanda!" I turn around and see a crimson man running towards me.

"Wade?" I drop the penguin.

(Oh, shit now what do we do?)

[Hurry wake up! Stab yourself or something!]

"I found ya! Look, this makes no sense to me either, but I am in your mind because of this physic lady can…yeah I don't know what to call it!" Wade is standing feet away from me.

"Why did ya look for me?" I step away.

"I need your help. Well, really, I just want us to be back to the way we used to be. I do need your help with stuff though. I mean you've been gone for 5 years! Do you realize how terrible it is to not have somebody to shot birds with! Or to laugh at pointless stuff! Wanda please, come back to New York!"

Wade drops to his knees with his hands put together. His lips pursed underneath his mask and his shinny white eyes were big as anime eyes.

"But-" I look away from him feeling ashamed. "I kinda like being by myself. Doing crazy crap, shooting my walls, an' walking around my place in just my underwear; it really is a dream come true."

Wade grabs my ankles and pouts.

"Deadpool can ya at least tell me why ya need me?"

"Without ya I am jus' peanut butter! Like a sandwich without the bread or American Idol without Simon. Please Wanda come back to me!" He was laughing and crying at the same time.

(How pathetic.)

[I say drop his ass at the next curb. We can do so much better without him holding us down. We can never show our true potential with him around. Do not say we will see him again! Please!]

"Sure why not?" I smile.

(I hate you.)

[Why do you hate me so much? I just wana die!]

(If he starts singing another perverted ass song again I will lose it!)

[I'm with you sister!]

I laugh. "Amen."

"What?" Deadpool looks up at me with tears in his eyes. "Are ya serious?"

"Yeah, I am. Besides I was kinda getting bored of watching the same thing over an' over again on my basic cable…ya have Dish right?"

"Hells Yeah. Wouldn't be able to live without it!"

"Then I agree."

"Thanks!" Deadpool jumps up and hugs me tight.

"Ok just cool it alright!" I lightly hug back.

"All right I live at the same apartment, so just come by as soon as ya can. ASAP." He stands up straight trying to act like nothing had happened.

"Roger."

(I'm doomed.)

"Some optimism would help ya guys…" I whisper.

"What did you say?" Wade raises an eyebrow.

"Just, um, talking to myself…" I giggle and fake smile. "Ha, you know, just voices in my head."

(Don't tell him you hear voices! He will think we are clinically ill!)

[We probably do need to be in a hospital.]

"Oh, no sweat, I hear 'em all the time!" He smiles and raises his hands. "Like right now, they are saying how hot ya are!" He wiggles an eyebrow. "And, truth be told, I agree also."

I laugh and punch his arm. "Agh!" Deadpool falls to the ground face first.

Deadpool glares at me and in an intense slow-mo moment he slices off my legs.

"Urrrghhhhhh!" I fall to the ground and see all the pool of blood around me. "Bastard!"

"I guess I don't play well wit' others sometimes." Deadpool pulls out his gun and points it at my head.

I squint. "Do ya think dat is wise? Considern' I am goin' ta help ya?"

"Guess not." He squints and keeps the gun in place right in front of my face.

DEADPOOL IT IS TIME TO LEAVE.

"Who the hell was that?" I look up at the sky.

"The woman that brought me here." Deadpool smiles and puts his gun away. "Hey, no hard feelings, right? Ya still coming to help me?"

"Ya, sure, I can't say no to you." I giggle.

With hearts all around our heads he rolls up his mask. I roll mine up and lean in for him to kiss me. Right as our lips are about to touch he evaporates and is gone from my dream.

"Aw," I sigh.

(You still have feelings for him? Are ya serious? HAHAHAHA!)

[Hey, don't laugh at her. That is why she only told me. You are too immature.]

"But, it doesn't matter who I told. I still like Deadpool little boxes. I am goin' to see him again soon." I smile and look down at my newly grown legs. "We can be psychotic together again."

(Yeah, that sounds like great fun…but honey we are forgetting the main reason we left Wade.)

[You're right.]

"Wait I forgot." I smirk and bite down on my lips.

(Anita.)

"Crap."

[How can we explain that?]

"I don't know…now I feel like shit for forgetting her." I pout.

(We can figure that out latter.)

[Right now we should find that penguin and finish his makeover!]

"Good idea!" I laugh and jump up. "Things will figure themselves out!" I skip around smiling and laughing trying to find the poor little penguin, Muffin.

"That had to be just a dream." I mutter to myself as I lie still in my bed. The covers were all jumbled and I felt the cool sweat on my back. "I'm just having dreams."

(Who do you think will believe that?)

[I wish it was a dream but…]

"That was too real." I roll over and look at my beaten up alarm clock. The red light flashed into my sleepy eyes. "It's 2 in the morning." I groan.

(But we need to decide on our plan.)

I yawn and close my eyes. "Wake me when you come up with one."

[We should check on Anita. She might have uncovered herself in bed.]

"Ever since Anita, I have had no time to myself. I can't shoot random things or nap all day. I hate this."

(She is your daughter.)

"And Deadpools'," I sigh at the thought of him meeting Anita.

[It's time they meet.]

(Woman up already!)

"Do I have a choice?" I open my eyes and remove my mask. Anita got afraid when I wore the mask, but when I was alone or I went out I wore the mask to hide my face. I thought she would be afraid of my real face, but I suppose it is the face only your child could love.

(No, you told Wade yes.)

[We told you not too. But no!]

I swing my legs around the bed and walk slowly to the door in my dark small bedroom trying not to trip over all the junk on the floor. "I need a vacation."

I stop abruptly. "That's it!" I exclaim and put my mask back on. "I can go see Wade for a vacation from Anita! I can jus' leave her at Linda's' house!"

(I heart that idea!)

[Yay road trip!]


End file.
